Is that clear?The ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. Achoo choo train. Q: What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers?A: Oh good! Things such as trains and train toys have something memorable, funny and inspirational to offer. One day an engineer calls the dispatcher and asks him for the time. No, I didnt miss my train! The list below is a mishmash of both, so give it a read and enjoy! No, sir! Unlike teachers, locomotives always tell you to choo choo. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. No one would ever find out how hard he trained, because he never got a platform to share it. Train Bloopers and Wrecks | Funny, Weird and Wacky Trains Lots of Videos for Kids-Marshall Publishing 83.2K subscribers 673 273K views 11 years ago This funny train video shows chicken crossing. It leaves tracks. The ex-press train.Why cant train engineers get electrocuted? 44. I used to be a railway engineer but I kept losing my train of thought and going down the wrong track. The train driver was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along. Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? Because people are always crossing them. My boss said to me, You are the worst train operator ever. It would be awesome if you let us know when jokes go too far. A: Because people are always crossing it! Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. The train departed. I just chased it out of the station because I didnt like the look of it!. She lies down on the bed just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. people look at you funny as they drive by while you are standing out in the middle of nowhere by a railroad track with a tripod and a camera. 61 Funny Sleep Puns And Jokes You Need To See, 101 Rock Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny, 100+ SMore Puns & Jokes That Are The Perfect Treat, 31 Balloon Puns & Jokes That Are Seriously Funny, 19 Box Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny, 32 Snail Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny. Finally it creaks to a halt. 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face There is a surprising amount of humor in train jokes and puns. So I click on the icon that says Home and then it makes me start again. Q: Why did the geared locomotives never marry?A: They were the only ones never coupled, 66. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Then I can dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform.Will that work?Its worth a try.As they approached the platform, the train is slowing from 50 MPH. Finally, when it stopped for about the hundredth time, one of the tourists got out, walked to the front of the train, and asked the train-driver, cant you go any faster?Oh, yes sir replied the driver, but Im not allowed to leave the train., 49. The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler. Best Short Jokes & Dirty One-Liners Sometimes, humor is all about efficiency and that applies to the best adult jokes as well. Joke has 55.72 % from 67 votes. If they make the cut (as a stalwart humor publisher we have very high standards) well be sure to include them. 12. Train conductors are known for their drinking. 87. Train With Wife Joke - Dirty Jokes Train With Wife Joke Back to: Dirty Jokes Follow @quickjokes A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. Who does He save, The man or the cow? Then, the young woman proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." Why did the elephant refuse to travel on the train? Q: What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing?A: Its shadow. You'll also find jokes about Thomas the Tank Engine and some of his friends on this page - or you can visit a page dedicated to jokes about Thomas Clean Jokes About Trains Jokes for Kids Required fields are marked *. Did we catch up with the cow?, 58. After a few times the conductor begins to become a bit impatient. 36. The story is about a woman on the train who was travelling the entire route and kept on asking the conductor what time they get to Alice Springs. How do you find a missing train? Why are you laughing?Gordon smiled, They only came to see me off.. Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. Q: What do you call a train that eats toffee? A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria. Q: Why is the track gauge 4 8-1/2 wide?A: Because it is the mean distance between the neck and ankles of damsels in distress. Because he wanted to go Choo Choo. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. One of them trains the mind, while the other one minds the trains.I finally figured out why you always try to drive me crazy. Just then the husband walks in. Railroad President Make sure you dont yank their train! Why are ghosts no good at running a railway?A. 69% of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they read A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. 14. As hes helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says, Man youre lucky I was here to help! Jack: Did you hear about the Model Railroader whose layout got trampled by a herd of buffalo?Fred: No, whats he doing now?Jack: Remodeling., 65. We know all about your little banana trick, and youre not escaping this time!. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. The I Choose You T-shirt is our second choice because of the cute train pun. Everyone had on platforms. Before he faces his sentence, hes offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. Even the toughest train engineer needs a brake to let off some steam. The police made him give it back. What do you call a sick locomotive? The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover that they had just missed the train.The next train is in one hour, intoned the stationmaster.The three went back into the bar. Look no further! Did you hear that theyre making a new fuel additive out of grapes in France?Yeah, they call it Vin Diesel. Then the train will run again." "No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. There are many exciting and humorous jokes about trains that are suitable for people of all ages. I have got the best collection of funny train jokes. Believe it or not, putting salt on a railroad track in Alabama was once punishable by death. They are clean and easy to entertain kids. Q: Why is the railroad angry? When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers. Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel. A train conductor gets arrested for committing crimes in his home town. They were still arguing when the train hit them. Same as usual madam; it has four carriages and it will run on rails.Why shouldnt you fall asleep on trains? Hes my arch enemy.I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. Little Johnny asks his mum where babies come from. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. A: Because it has a tender behind. Thats why Im a fan of monorails. 64. No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late. Too many people have crossed them. If the windshield doesnt break, its likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. Being a train driver is more difficult than it looks. Youll be laughing uncontrollably in no time.*. Theyre not the conductor.Did you hear about the man who took the 6 oclock train home? The Golden State, which has set tough pollution rules for cars and trucks for half a century, is going after diesel pollution from trains that it says are even dirtier. All texts within this site are protected under International rights of reproduction law: ToyTrainCenter.com. They always seem to have a get out of rail free card.I always like chewing gum on the train. Realist sees light from incoming train. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. 42. To their astonishment, the Scots dont buy a ticket at all. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a steam locomotive?A: The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says Choo Choo Choo!. At your age, I could catch the train by a gnats whisker and still be fresh. Embarrassed, he quickly disembarked the room. Little Johnny asks back, "Then who fucks the storks?" Woah there, Little Johnny! The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, Shes beautiful, isnt she?. The Train Wreck T-shirt has an awesome message and a great dark-grey color. This collection of train jokes are clean and safe for kids of all ages - and we're adding new jokes all the time. One of them said its a deer. The other said it No its a coyote. The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.You mama is like train tracks she gets laid all around the country.Say what you want about Hitler at least he got the trains to run on time.A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and There is a Train in the distance about to hit both of them. My boss told me, "You are the worst train driver ever. Such kind of jokes could bring a smile on anyone's face or could crack them up in a knotty situation. 97. Sure hold on a second., The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, Im sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train., The man says, I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook.. the crossing lights start flashing in your review mirror and you make a U turn to be first in line at the grade crossing. If you're not offended easily, these dirty jokes from Ask Reddit will have you busting a gut laughing. A: Because it has a tender behind The T-shirt is 100% cotton, comes in sizes from Small to 2-XL, and can be easily cleaned with machine cold wash. But at the same time, remember that one person you know whos actually struggling in math. Well, get them this T-shirt as a present and point to the 10% imagination and the unicorn mood that is needed to do math and youll surely make them smile. I guess that's why I like monorails so much! He was so mad at the ticket man, he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.Are you stupid or something? So after the conference, the Irishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. I finally figured out why you always try to drive me crazy. So, what I want you to do is you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very important for me. She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!" "Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!". They have eyes. Its just that these long trips get very tedious so I tell myself jokes.Why then, inquired Maggie, do you keep raising your hand?Well, smiled Roger, thats to interrupt myself because Ive heard that joke before., 62. 50+ Dirty Jokes That Are Never Appropriate But Always Funny in 2023. Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor. Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry. At the station, the three Irishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. Naughty trains! More jokes about: age, dirty, health, love, marriage. A: A chew, chew train. 73. If you spend too much time walking on railroad tracks it might leave you feeling run down. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: Now that you have a handy list of train puns and train jokes at your disposal, its time for you to share them with whoever will listen! Q: What wobbles when it flies? Because she didnt want to leave her trunk in the baggage carriage.How do find out how heavy a whale is?By taking it to the whale weigh station.When does a rabbit go at exactly the same speed as a train?When it is one of the passengers on the train.Anyone who steals a train would definitely have a locomotive.I was considering becoming a railway conductor or engineer, but I got put off by all the training.I went for a walk along the railroad tracks, but then I suddenly felt run down.I used to be a railway engineer but I kept losing my train of thought and going down the wrong track.A young man has just told me about a great offer on railway buffers. 35. 5.-. The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. Vote: share joke. 19. "Look lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" How many trains have you derailed in the past year?, I said, Im not sure. I took advantage of an end of the line sale. Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose?A: The locomotive told it to choo choo. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. Theyre running with a skeleton service. Cassie bought each grandson a bag. All Rights Reserved. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, Ticket, please.. good train and railway jokes are hard to come by. His mum says from the storks. Laugh more here: Hilarious Puns and Jokes for Kids. The first blonde says, Look, those are deer tracks., The second blonde looks at them and says, No youre wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves., The third blonde thinks for a minute and says, Youre both wrong, these are hog tracks, Im sure.. After that, I picked up the pace quickly. Q: Why can't a steam locomotive sit down? In Wisconsin it was once illegal to kiss on a train. You did superbly under cross-examination.Thanks, he said, but he sure had me worried.Hows that? the lawyer asked.I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!, 56. Wanna take the joke a little far? How are you going to travel without a ticket? says one perplexed Irishman.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-3','ezslot_29',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-3-0'); Watch and youll see, answers one of the Scots. Q: Why dont elephants like to ride on trains?A: Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car. A cross tie. Q: What do you give a train driver for Christmas?A: Platform shoes! But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilots jacket and hat.You wanna know why I love trains?They end my suffering.Why was I stress eating on the train track?To wait to get hit.Why cant a steam locomotive sit down?Because it has a tender behind.Why did timmy drop his ice cream coneHe got hit by a train. 7. So he lies down next to the wife. Q: When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?A: When its on the train. Oh, and did I mention that with every purchase, youll also get a FREE greeting card and a pendant? Not a bunch, herd, her friend replied. The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?" 8. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. They suspected the culprit had a locomotive. 70. He knocked on the door and said, Ticket, please.. In the good old days, all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam.No matter where you are, youll never see happy railroad tracks. There is a surprising amount of humor in train jokes and puns. Theyre not the conductor. In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a young woman.